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Dean Fraser's avatar

I was actually in Papua New Guinea, when this study went out between 2001 and ‘04, in those particular regions of Northern Germany. And had absolutely nothing to do with the experiment; not even so much as a wet sock belonging to me was analysed.

However on my return to old Blighty, I’d received an official letter, with a Leicestershire postmark, and some oddly Germanic script stamped on the back of the envelope.

On opening this rather official looking document: I found that I was responsible for fathering fifty eight unknown (to me, at any rate) German children. And five sets of Ethiopian twins,(who weren’t in the original paternity investigations either)?

It also transpired, on further reading of the establishment missive, that: 355 males had been scheduled to take part, instead of the subsequent three hundred and forty eight; but seven of the intended participants had been murdered before the trials begun….

And owing to my DNA samples - which they admittedly didn’t have, they were charging me with the killings. And could I give myself up, and report to the nearest police station. Post haste. It’d be much appreciated.

So.. in the absence of a DNA sample (or if you ain’t got the DNA-XYZ app on your phone; or spat in bucket, recently), the Home Office will fly in Witch Doctors (public purse, obvs); and depending on the position of the Moon on any given day; they’ll employ a little bit of Voodoo…And some loose marbles - and animal bones, cast onto an old oilskin, to get the proper result.

That’s me and old Reiner in the poky now then.!!

Tried and tested. All in safe hands. Couldn’t make this up.

FFS. Guys. Follow. The. Science.

Crixcyon's avatar

What can we trust? Apparently nothing much in the field of science. Is the entire medical mafia a total fake out?

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